Disclaimer: This post will contain high volumes of cursing, kid bashing and over all ranting. If one or any of the previous things above is not okay with you, please exit top right please. (sorry mom!)
SO ladies, I am going to say what all mothers feel but are afraid to say. SOMETIMES our children are assholes!
There I said it! Though it may be frowned upon to say such things, its not illegal so take that! Regardless of how great of a parent you are, sometimes your children just decided to show you how bratty, bitchy and an overall pain in the ass they can truly be. In turn pushing you to limits no mother has been before.
Now now, I know what your thinking…..
“Elizabeth, kids will be kids. You must understand that.”
Well, yeah. But sometimes our kids are complete fucking morons and we cant stand them. I did not say we didn’t love them. There is a difference my critical friend. Let me let you in on a little secret, we all feel this way at one point or another.
For instance, when your child who knows better has a full blown melt down in the middle of the store. People stop and stare at this epic melt down as if you were the one that instigated it. They are also looking at you handle it in a manner they wouldn’t. Because everyone at that moment becomes the perfect parent and is now the kid whisperer. Believe me loves, I have been there and it takes all of me to keep my cool and not go all psycho, crazed lunatic on them. Like bitch you can do a better job?? Well lace up your boots because your about to step in some shit you can’t handle! But you know, that would be completely inappropriate.
So why do they do that from time to time? For me, my children have a break down at the busiest times of the day. Like while I’m trying to cook dinner, change a diaper and keeping an eye on the laundry, someone will ask me for a cup of juice. Oh sure ma’am ill be right on that because clearly mommy is not doing a fucking thing over here. Yes just one moment and you will have your juice, oh and a leprechaun riding a unicorn holding a pot of gold and Disney World tickets is also wanted. Sure coming right up!
Get the fuck out of here! Ain’t nobody have time for that. Where’s my glass of Sangria, better yet the bottle. Who needs a cup I’ll drink this shit straight!
But there is no age limit on your kids assholeness. No ma’am there is not. I know damn well at the ago of 18 I had the biggest attitude to rock the household the resided at 265 Foxhill Road. My mother, though she will deny any such thing probably wanted to kill me more times then not. She probably wanted to throw around a few curse words too. But that’s not my mother. She bit her tongue a lot. Well mother I feel the pain I put you through. Well played God, well played!
Through all of the times I feel like my life is ending at the hands of a three year old, there are more good times then bad. So mommy’s if your having a bad day and your child is being an asshole. I can guarantee and hour from now you will forget all about the hell your child just put you through and focus on the great amazing things that you love about them. That’s the roller coaster ride of being a parent. Just when your about to lose your sanity, they show you how much they love you and how great of a parent you truly are! Keep trucking my loves, being a mommy is a hard ass job! You got this!
I hope this made you giggle, please don’t take anything seriously. I mean because I’m not. Or am I?